Sweekar- The Rainbow Parents, is an informal group of parents of LGBTQIA+ children. Formed in 2017 with the support of filmmakers Sridhar Rangayan and Saagar Gupta, the group has been extending support to parents who are struggling to accept their children that have come out.
In a chat with Diversity Digest, Dr. Nilakshi Roy, retired professor, a parent, a member, and a spokesperson, Sweekar, talks about the vision of the group and the impact it is making.
What led to the formation of Sweekar-The Rainbow Parents?
There was a gap felt by a group of LGBTQ population, as it seemed that they could never open up to their parents. It so happens that when children come out of the closet, parents get into one.
In 2016, filmmaker Sridhar Rangayan made Evening Shadows, a film on acceptance. He kept aside funds for a platform like Sweekar (meaning acceptance) that extends support for parents to understand and accept their children. Sridhar was in touch with some parents who were attending such groups’ events for a decade or more. Sweekar brought such parents together on one platform to offer a safe space.
It is that place where parents can discuss their qualms and concerns and get closer to acceptance at their own pace. We function virtually and have members from across the country and the world.
What has been the response? Is there readiness or hesitancy?
Initially, no one in this space wants to come out readily. Some of them do. Many do not want to be identified, though they support their children. We have to be respectful of that. There are all kinds of families. We do not know what misery they are undergoing. If we do not consider and acknowledge those constraints, they won’t come into this fold. At Sweekar, we embrace all kinds of parents who accept their children in any way.
What are the activities of Sweekar?
The members are from different places, and it is impossible to meet physically. The pandemic gave an impetus to this kind of meet-ups (virtual). We have had meetings, and training sessions. There was a 6-7 months certification course run by Humsafar Trust that took parents like us through all aspects- legal and mental, stereotypes, taboos, etc.
When we are trying to be good parents, society has other expectations from us. So, we also got trained to address our health and wellness.
Other activities include festivals, participation in pride marches, apart from international events and seminars.
What are the demographics of the members of this group? Does the region or city determine the response and approach?
There are people from different states and regions– urban and hinterlands. We reach out to those who do not speak Hindi or English. However, we have a lot of members from the North and South. We are planning to start a chapter in Kolkata. Sweekar has members from the US, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the UK.
Honestly, parents are either closed or open to their children coming out. There is no standard response based on the location. It depends on the families, the parents themselves, and their approach to life.
How has the reading down of Sec 377 in 2018 changed the terrain for you?
A draconian law was imposed in a country, which had an open culture and acceptance of these sections of people. Colonial forces criminalized it for 250 years and dug the perception into our heads. That will take some time to change.
After the reading down, officially, things have changed. The corporate sector has become very sensitive to the needs of the group. They have extended benefits for same-sex partners, and recruitment policies are tailored to hire them. Legal and paralegal provisions like those in banks are accommodative of the group.
The educational institutions- schools- organize activities for the queer community, though colleges are slow.
Decriminalization has brought many out without fear. We had a surge in membership after the decriminalization.
It is now for the community to seek more changes through movements, awareness programs, etc. A lot of onus lies on us. We can’t expect the government to do everything. We have to be part of the change we want to see.
How has Covid impacted the group?
During the pandemic, some had gradual conversations with their family to come out. Some had no choice because they were living with their parents, and they happened to find out. And, there were some bad reactions. We had six to seven people addressing these for nights together to prevent extreme responses from the parents and the children. We spoke to the family—siblings, mother, father, etc.
I spoke to many over months, and they were still unable to come to terms. The members and activities have increased exponentially in this period.
What are Sweekar’s plans?
We have to reach out to more in the hinterlands. Visiting Kolkata now, I have been hearing that in villages and cities around the metro, there are several challenges for the group.
In cities, we at least have counselors to help them. Many still do not know they need to seek help– we need to address that.
With physical contact coming back, we need to make our presence felt.
